Tag Archives: volunteer

friend poor

20 Sep

I have been looking into another volunteering role and am now wondering if my rolling stone lifestyle is going to prevent me from it. They are asking for three references that meet five criteria, I cannot give them one.

I was a nurse and in the last two jobs I had I found I did not like nurses. They are not nice to each other and so I decided I did not want to do it anymore. Also, because of this I have not kept in touch with any nurses.

Now, the reference calls for someone who has seen me doing my job and with whom I am still in contact and who is not a relative. There is no one like that in my life, so I am stuck.

I have previously mentioned the difficulties in establishing oneself in a new location and this is another thing that is part of that. Later I will report on the response to this, how it affects my application.

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Sisters

8 Jun

Last week I was remembering an incident where I found myself caught in the  middle of a disagreement between my mother and her sister. It was during a conversation about sisters where I stated that I have no understanding of how sisters relate or the dynamics of that relationship.

You guessed it, I was the only daughter. I have three brothers so they have the brother thing going on which is different again from the brother/sister thing.

What bothers me about all of this is that I feel like I missed out on something. I know that I am not the only person who has this relationship but that makes no difference to how I feel.

While my parents did there best and believe they did what is right, I was treated differently to my brothers. They were allowed to be boys, join in the fun, go on camps etc. I was not allowed to go on camps, go to after game events, even choose my own friends.

Of all my cousins, only one other has no sister but her brother also has no brother. We saw little of these growing up. The ones I spent time with were sisters, I always felt like an outsider and that really hasn’t changed. ¬†The person I feel closest to these days is my sister in law. You guessed, she too has a sister.

Where has this left me? I was left with no one to talk to. My parents were not of the touchy feely kind, so I am very protective of my personal space.

So, what am I trying to say is that my environment has made me what I am. I am unable to love someone else more than myself. I struggle to think of others first. My first impulse is to please me, do what I want. I don’t like that about me. I am trying to change that by joining a service club and volunteering.

It is not that I am unaware of being better off than so many others, it is not that I don’t know others need help, it is that I am not fitted to do what is required. I have poor social and communication skills so interacting with them would not help them.

This is something I have to live with and I just wish I had a best friend to express this to as she would tell me what assets I do have that I might contribute.

 

Ennui

31 May

Isn’t is interesting how we claim to be experiencing ennui when we just don’t feel like doing anything. It is not lazy or bored any more.

I am feeling a bit bored actually. This is one reason I started writing, it is a distraction and it also allows me to express my opinion on matters that would normally be dinner table conversation.

Sometimes I am invited to share a meal and then I get to partake in conversation but usually I am alone with the TV, watching the news and talking to it. It is not rewarding and often frustrating.

Since I started writing I have found that I am a calmer, happier person because all that frustration is being let out. Being able to express my opinion to whomever is reading it has been liberating.

So, no more ennui and more structure to my day. I have established quite a routine and all it needs added to it are 12-15 hours of work, you know, three days per week, 4-5 hours a day. I have started a volunteer job that is 3 hours per week, if I could get paid for something like that it would be great.

Anyway, there is now more in my week so less time for boredom. Now, what is for dinner?