Tag Archives: relationships

Good catch?

19 Jan

That is what was suggested to me recently. I have also had other comments along similar lines. You know, do you have a partner? Why not? It has made me seriously consider how I should respond to these questions.

I don’t do intimacy, particularly the emotional kind. Some of this comes from my parents example. I could not name Dad’s best friend and while I could name Mum’s, there was no evident sharing of things that I would expect of that type of friendship.

I have had acquaintances that I have shared experiences with, I have even been married and had another 2 year relationship. What I have always found is that these people are not worthy of the trust required to have that emotional intimacy. I had it during my marriage but when things started to go wrong, he would raise these matters as reasons. This has been the enduring memory of all shared intimacy, when things get difficult, they are just thrown in my face. Therefore, why would I volunteer these things at any time?

So, how do you answer these questions without being offensive? No one is worthy? No one is to be trusted?

I see and have had relationships break down where assets are divided. Well, I have worked for and earned all I have and don’t feel inclined to share it in this way again.

Knowing all of this still does not help me to politely answer the question. I will just have to give it more thought.

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friend poor

20 Sep

I have been looking into another volunteering role and am now wondering if my rolling stone lifestyle is going to prevent me from it. They are asking for three references that meet five criteria, I cannot give them one.

I was a nurse and in the last two jobs I had I found I did not like nurses. They are not nice to each other and so I decided I did not want to do it anymore. Also, because of this I have not kept in touch with any nurses.

Now, the reference calls for someone who has seen me doing my job and with whom I am still in contact and who is not a relative. There is no one like that in my life, so I am stuck.

I have previously mentioned the difficulties in establishing oneself in a new location and this is another thing that is part of that. Later I will report on the response to this, how it affects my application.

Family dissent

5 Sep

I find myself in a dilemma. Some 10 years ago my brother left his wife for another woman. His three daughters sided with their mother and cut contact with all of us. This did not bother me particularly as I do not like any of them. It did however, greatly hurt my parents to lose contact with their granddaughters. For this I hold a grudge.

Since that time the only contact my brother has had with them is when they wanted money. At the time two of them were at a tertiary college and the other about to enter, so it is not like they were immature and unable to understand.

Now, one of them has contacted her father. My first thought and the truth is that yes, she wants money. She wants to buy her own business. My brother says if it had been for lifestyle or a home he would have felt differently but for her career he wants to support her. I guess he paid to get her qualified so fair enough. Also, he is able to decide how he relates to his children, nothing to do with me. It seems she also said enough time had passed for the hurt to be dealt with and she would like to resume a relationship.

Here is my issue. I am not going to be able to forgive her for how she hurt my parents. My parents are just going to be pleased to have her back and will not want me to hold a grudge. I can accept that point of view but until I see behaviour that shows some love and care toward my parents I will hold back my forgiveness. She cannot expect to return as the prodigal son, so to speak, although that story has merit, which only adds to my issue. Forgive and forget is great and if it was about how I was treated that would be fine but it was about how two people who had only ever loved them, were greatly disturbed by their own sons behaviour as they have strong moral and Christian beliefs and had no responsibility in the situation.

Not that there was ever participation before. As children they were always withdrawn at family gatherings and would always leave early. They did not seem to know how to have fun and for that I blame their mother who was the same.

I appreciate that I have a different view to everyone else because I am not a parent, so I do not have that connection with anyone. Everyone else will be more forgiving but until I have seen some positive acts toward my parents she will know that I have not accepted her back. I am prepared to tell her this too.

Flu prevention

14 Aug

I have been finding that all the places I am going lately have been dealing with staff illness. Cold and flu are on the rampage. I have managed to avoid it thus far.

My recommendation is to eat garlic. I know many dislike garlic and some opt for tablets but I find that the real thing works best.

You will have noticed that my recipes usually include garlic, this is because I like it but the benefit of that is that I have an increased resistance to viruses. I believe, and there is plenty of evidence to support it that garlic is a natural antibiotic. This is why I am generally healthy, rarely contracting even a cold.

There has also been a survey recently saying that families with a dog are healthier than those without. My belief is that those families with dogs are less likely to use chemicals in the house such as spray disinfectants. Using chemicals to sterilise your home will reduce everyones resistance to germs and well as increasing exposure to chemicals. I also believe that this increases health problems such as asthma and allergies. As our use of chemicals increases so do these conditions in our children.

It is something worthy of debate at least. Natural antibiotics, soap and water to clean and eucalyptus oil on known contaminated surfaces are the best method for maintaining good health.

So do your own research and good health.

Cooking and a busy life

7 Aug

I have been thinking about all those who have the busy lifestyle of today and how to fit in cooking with the demands of work and school. Many people find it easier to have fast food meals these days and as we know these are not the best for a healthy diet.

The simple recipes I include here don’t necessarily solve those problems so I have had an idea on how that can be done.

In order to attack childhood obesity children need to be involved in cooking and learning how it can be fun to experiment with flavour without necessarily complicating the process.

My thought is that the cooking probably does not want to be done on a weekday night. So let’s do it on the weekend when there are actually three night to choose from, Friday being one.

It doesn’t require cooking three nights. Even if you choose one and cook two or three dishes. Get the children to help, preparing vegetables, trimming meat, choosing flavourings, collecting fresh herbs etc, even choosing recipes.

Getting the children involved also allows for educating them in money and budget issues.

With everyone pitching in it is an opportunity for a family chat to catch up on the week and prepare for the one coming. These times are important and you may not be having it at present. This is a way to introduce it without pressure.

To decide how much to cook you just take the number of people in the family and multiply by 7, being the number of evenings per week. This is how many serves you need, so given that each of my recipes will give 5 serves, you can choose either two or three dishes, using different cuts of meat and you will have 10-15 serves for the week. With one serve each out for cooking night and  the rest in the freezer, you are ready for the week.

It doesn’t matter if there are more than you need for the week, having extras can be a bonus if something unexpected comes up.

When you are putting these meals in the freezer, there are two options; put all single serves in or in larger containers put daily serves. Tupperware heat n eat come in larger sizes too. The thing to be careful with in the second option is that someone may not turn up for that meal and once defrosted it cannot be frozen again and I would also be cautious about keeping it for the next day.

I hope this idea has some appeal for you.

Family and organ recipients

29 Jul

I have become aware of the impact of organ donation on the recipients family. We all know it is a small positive for the donor family in their loss but how it extends widely for the recipient side is really something.

I have posted here about my friend whose brother received a kidney transplant and how she and I felt about it. Since then the impact for the family has become obvious.

The brother (I will call him Dan) is a grandfather, the latest child arriving three weeks after the operation. Dan has gained an extension on watching them grow up. As much as he will appreciate this, his children and their spouses are grateful too.

Dan’s parents have been quite emotional, they were caught unawares when the whole thing occurred and are now hopeful that they might actually out live him. It is a new thing for them but everyone is excited that Dan is no longer tied to the dialysis machine every alternate day.

His three siblings have been a bit quieter about the whole thing. One, who was considering a live kidney donation is relieved it won’t be required. The others are just happy Dan has received a life extension and they are no longer carrying the guilt of not wanting to do a live donation.

Dan is a popular member of the community and many people have been visiting him since the operation, so much so that he is struggling to get the rest he requires to recover from the operation. This has practically chased him from his home in an effort to get some peace and quiet. His sister (my friend) is quite angry about this. “Why can’t people have more consideration?” It is like the morbid who visit hospitals and sit bedside of non relatives for hours, leaving the patient exhausted.

His sister is now wondering how to get all these visitors to show more consideration for all he has been through. He needs to toughen up a bit I think. Tell visitors he has had enough please go, or just don’t answer the door. I have approached doors with signs on them, ‘no visitors today’. Anyone who truly cares will respect this and make an appointment.

In this fast pace life of instant gratification, respect for others is becoming lost as everyone want to get the scoop. It leaves me thinking how I enjoy my privacy. I hope Dan will start to get some peace and quiet soon.

time poor

12 Jul

I have found myself time poor this week. I know many people experience this most days but it is unusual for me. It was enjoyable too, though I don’t want to do it all the time. What it did show me is the benefit of cooking in quantity. I didn’t have to find time to cook because my meals were in the freezer ready to go.

This is why I  recommend it to you. At some point we want to cook the family a healthy meal. Do it in bulk and you are set for the week. Use the largest pot you have and fill it. Separate it out into daily serves and freeze. Use different amounts if you know there are different numbers to feed on different days.

Some days it has been easier than that because I was out for all meals. This is not something you want to repeat often as it damages the budget but when you are not paying don’t argue huh.

Of course there is a down side to all this eating out and business, it is harder to watch your intake. I get all wrapped up in what is going on and forget that I am eating, suddenly finding that I have eaten that piece of pecan pie! I can’t get into my jeans this week, so am back on my strict regime which excludes alcohol and dessert of any kind.

Also, I did not have my doggy bag with me to take some home for later. This is the best way to not over eat when out I find. Of course this is not acceptable if you are at a private residence. There you just take what you want or leave it on the plate if it is served up. This achieves two things, your host recognises that you do not want so much on your plate and you are not left feeling guilty. Remember, no-one else has the right to tell you how much to eat.