Tag Archives: friendship

Good catch?

19 Jan

That is what was suggested to me recently. I have also had other comments along similar lines. You know, do you have a partner? Why not? It has made me seriously consider how I should respond to these questions.

I don’t do intimacy, particularly the emotional kind. Some of this comes from my parents example. I could not name Dad’s best friend and while I could name Mum’s, there was no evident sharing of things that I would expect of that type of friendship.

I have had acquaintances that I have shared experiences with, I have even been married and had another 2 year relationship. What I have always found is that these people are not worthy of the trust required to have that emotional intimacy. I had it during my marriage but when things started to go wrong, he would raise these matters as reasons. This has been the enduring memory of all shared intimacy, when things get difficult, they are just thrown in my face. Therefore, why would I volunteer these things at any time?

So, how do you answer these questions without being offensive? No one is worthy? No one is to be trusted?

I see and have had relationships break down where assets are divided. Well, I have worked for and earned all I have and don’t feel inclined to share it in this way again.

Knowing all of this still does not help me to politely answer the question. I will just have to give it more thought.

advice

16 Jun

Sometimes I give really good advice. This is usually when my brain is working in beta, the only problem with that is that my beta brain seems to have no link to my memory. I know at the time that the advice is really good but later I cannot remember what I said.

My brother once asked me to meet him for lunch. This was the only time this had ever occurred, so was special. It turned out he wanted my advice. I am divorced and he was asking me about it, whether I was glad, happy or regretful. I talked about the things that I did regret being having no one who knew my history, to share stories with, who understands you better than anyone else and how you  need to compare this with what you might have after. Also, how will it affect your relationship with your children? They might end up living with the other parent and you might never see them. They might be angry at you for leaving.

Passion is not the emotion to base this decision on. Do you like each other? Being friends is the most important thing. Passion comes and goes and comes again. If you can continue to talk to each other, share experiences etc, maybe use the children as a buffer if you are struggling to communicate then passion will return from time to time. I believe the important thing is to evaluate your relationship with these factors in mind, then decide what you really want.