Tag Archives: friends

Good catch?

19 Jan

That is what was suggested to me recently. I have also had other comments along similar lines. You know, do you have a partner? Why not? It has made me seriously consider how I should respond to these questions.

I don’t do intimacy, particularly the emotional kind. Some of this comes from my parents example. I could not name Dad’s best friend and while I could name Mum’s, there was no evident sharing of things that I would expect of that type of friendship.

I have had acquaintances that I have shared experiences with, I have even been married and had another 2 year relationship. What I have always found is that these people are not worthy of the trust required to have that emotional intimacy. I had it during my marriage but when things started to go wrong, he would raise these matters as reasons. This has been the enduring memory of all shared intimacy, when things get difficult, they are just thrown in my face. Therefore, why would I volunteer these things at any time?

So, how do you answer these questions without being offensive? No one is worthy? No one is to be trusted?

I see and have had relationships break down where assets are divided. Well, I have worked for and earned all I have and don’t feel inclined to share it in this way again.

Knowing all of this still does not help me to politely answer the question. I will just have to give it more thought.

friend poor

20 Sep

I have been looking into another volunteering role and am now wondering if my rolling stone lifestyle is going to prevent me from it. They are asking for three references that meet five criteria, I cannot give them one.

I was a nurse and in the last two jobs I had I found I did not like nurses. They are not nice to each other and so I decided I did not want to do it anymore. Also, because of this I have not kept in touch with any nurses.

Now, the reference calls for someone who has seen me doing my job and with whom I am still in contact and who is not a relative. There is no one like that in my life, so I am stuck.

I have previously mentioned the difficulties in establishing oneself in a new location and this is another thing that is part of that. Later I will report on the response to this, how it affects my application.

volunteering

16 Sep

I am a little annoyed with my family at present. Not an unusual occurrence for most of us I guess. I am also over Facebook. I do not want to know the trivial thoughts of the next generation so I have unfriended them. This was not the only reason I admit. I asked them to put a post on their walls for me and none of them did. Says to me that none of them care about me while asking me to post things for them. Well, no more. I have deactivated my account and am no longer interested in the trivia of my family’s day-to-day lives.

Over the last fortnight I have had my siblings and spouses to dinner, separately, and my parents for lunch. It is a far better way to keep in touch. One sister-in-law is really a stranger to me and I thought having them to dinner would let me know her a bit more. She doesn’t have a lot to say, neither does Dad. It is okay because now she knows me better. This is the generation I want to connect with.

My life is interesting enough for me. I have become involved in the community through volunteering and joining a club. I am meeting interesting people and getting to do things usually out of the realm of a regular member of the public. I get to go out for dinner 3-4 times a month and with some events coming up that is even a bit more as the planning comes to a head. I love doing the behind the scenes work that brings an event off, while I have no wish to be the face of an event.

bbq

3 Aug

It is still winter but the days are delightful. While the mornings are cold and frosty at -2, by early afternoon it is almost a relief to get outside and do something active.

I have been walking around the neighbourhood, getting to know it and checking out the gardens. What grows well? What looks pretty? etc. It is quite a lesson.

What does excite me about this weather is that it will not be long until it is BBQ time again. I love the new style of BBQ where it is more than sausages. I rarely eat snags, they are full of calories and cholesterol, soooo bad for you but tasty. Of course these days there are lots of varieties and not all are bad but then they are not economical.

What I like to cook on the BBQ is a roast. Lamb leg stuffed with fresh rosemary sprigs  and a nice glaze, chicken with herbs or marinated beef and onions.

I love sitting around the bbq on a pleasant spring afternoon, preferably the men doing the cooking. The kids running around the yard, the adults relaxed.  What could be better than that?

Throw in some tasty salads, nothing fancy required but I do know some great recipes. It is something to look forward to isn’t it?

Family and organ recipients

29 Jul

I have become aware of the impact of organ donation on the recipients family. We all know it is a small positive for the donor family in their loss but how it extends widely for the recipient side is really something.

I have posted here about my friend whose brother received a kidney transplant and how she and I felt about it. Since then the impact for the family has become obvious.

The brother (I will call him Dan) is a grandfather, the latest child arriving three weeks after the operation. Dan has gained an extension on watching them grow up. As much as he will appreciate this, his children and their spouses are grateful too.

Dan’s parents have been quite emotional, they were caught unawares when the whole thing occurred and are now hopeful that they might actually out live him. It is a new thing for them but everyone is excited that Dan is no longer tied to the dialysis machine every alternate day.

His three siblings have been a bit quieter about the whole thing. One, who was considering a live kidney donation is relieved it won’t be required. The others are just happy Dan has received a life extension and they are no longer carrying the guilt of not wanting to do a live donation.

Dan is a popular member of the community and many people have been visiting him since the operation, so much so that he is struggling to get the rest he requires to recover from the operation. This has practically chased him from his home in an effort to get some peace and quiet. His sister (my friend) is quite angry about this. “Why can’t people have more consideration?” It is like the morbid who visit hospitals and sit bedside of non relatives for hours, leaving the patient exhausted.

His sister is now wondering how to get all these visitors to show more consideration for all he has been through. He needs to toughen up a bit I think. Tell visitors he has had enough please go, or just don’t answer the door. I have approached doors with signs on them, ‘no visitors today’. Anyone who truly cares will respect this and make an appointment.

In this fast pace life of instant gratification, respect for others is becoming lost as everyone want to get the scoop. It leaves me thinking how I enjoy my privacy. I hope Dan will start to get some peace and quiet soon.

comfort food

14 Jul

Today I got to ask Mum about why my baking didn’t work. It seem I used the wrong tin. What the recipe calls a cake is actually a slice and should have been in a slice tin rather than a loaf tin.

This is what I need to learn about Mum’s recipes. She keeps them in a black book that she has had as long as she had been married and it is written by her. I now have to learn the tricks of her abbreviations and this is one of them. Another is what she means by milk in her scone recipe. I actually measured as I made them yesterday and got a rough amount so at least now I know if I have enough milk to make them.

The slice that I made is a favourite of Mum’s, she makes it all the time and is easy to make now that I know the rules. It is mixed in a saucepan, I used a non stick one and it just slid out into the tin….easy.

So, melt 4oz butter, 4 oz sugar and 1dsp golden syrup in saucepan, let cool. Add 1 beaten egg then 4 oz SR flour, 2 oz plain flour, pinch salt and 1 cup sultanas. Put in slice tin 11″x5″ sprinkle with cherry pieces and almond slivers. Bake in mod oven 30 mins.

I also want to report success. Having not been able to fit in my jeans last week, I went back to my staple regime and was good for the week and now easily fit my jeans again. It really works.

time poor

12 Jul

I have found myself time poor this week. I know many people experience this most days but it is unusual for me. It was enjoyable too, though I don’t want to do it all the time. What it did show me is the benefit of cooking in quantity. I didn’t have to find time to cook because my meals were in the freezer ready to go.

This is why I  recommend it to you. At some point we want to cook the family a healthy meal. Do it in bulk and you are set for the week. Use the largest pot you have and fill it. Separate it out into daily serves and freeze. Use different amounts if you know there are different numbers to feed on different days.

Some days it has been easier than that because I was out for all meals. This is not something you want to repeat often as it damages the budget but when you are not paying don’t argue huh.

Of course there is a down side to all this eating out and business, it is harder to watch your intake. I get all wrapped up in what is going on and forget that I am eating, suddenly finding that I have eaten that piece of pecan pie! I can’t get into my jeans this week, so am back on my strict regime which excludes alcohol and dessert of any kind.

Also, I did not have my doggy bag with me to take some home for later. This is the best way to not over eat when out I find. Of course this is not acceptable if you are at a private residence. There you just take what you want or leave it on the plate if it is served up. This achieves two things, your host recognises that you do not want so much on your plate and you are not left feeling guilty. Remember, no-one else has the right to tell you how much to eat.