Archive | relationships RSS feed for this section

Good catch?

19 Jan

That is what was suggested to me recently. I have also had other comments along similar lines. You know, do you have a partner? Why not? It has made me seriously consider how I should respond to these questions.

I don’t do intimacy, particularly the emotional kind. Some of this comes from my parents example. I could not name Dad’s best friend and while I could name Mum’s, there was no evident sharing of things that I would expect of that type of friendship.

I have had acquaintances that I have shared experiences with, I have even been married and had another 2 year relationship. What I have always found is that these people are not worthy of the trust required to have that emotional intimacy. I had it during my marriage but when things started to go wrong, he would raise these matters as reasons. This has been the enduring memory of all shared intimacy, when things get difficult, they are just thrown in my face. Therefore, why would I volunteer these things at any time?

So, how do you answer these questions without being offensive? No one is worthy? No one is to be trusted?

I see and have had relationships break down where assets are divided. Well, I have worked for and earned all I have and don’t feel inclined to share it in this way again.

Knowing all of this still does not help me to politely answer the question. I will just have to give it more thought.

Advertisements

friend poor

20 Sep

I have been looking into another volunteering role and am now wondering if my rolling stone lifestyle is going to prevent me from it. They are asking for three references that meet five criteria, I cannot give them one.

I was a nurse and in the last two jobs I had I found I did not like nurses. They are not nice to each other and so I decided I did not want to do it anymore. Also, because of this I have not kept in touch with any nurses.

Now, the reference calls for someone who has seen me doing my job and with whom I am still in contact and who is not a relative. There is no one like that in my life, so I am stuck.

I have previously mentioned the difficulties in establishing oneself in a new location and this is another thing that is part of that. Later I will report on the response to this, how it affects my application.

volunteering

16 Sep

I am a little annoyed with my family at present. Not an unusual occurrence for most of us I guess. I am also over Facebook. I do not want to know the trivial thoughts of the next generation so I have unfriended them. This was not the only reason I admit. I asked them to put a post on their walls for me and none of them did. Says to me that none of them care about me while asking me to post things for them. Well, no more. I have deactivated my account and am no longer interested in the trivia of my family’s day-to-day lives.

Over the last fortnight I have had my siblings and spouses to dinner, separately, and my parents for lunch. It is a far better way to keep in touch. One sister-in-law is really a stranger to me and I thought having them to dinner would let me know her a bit more. She doesn’t have a lot to say, neither does Dad. It is okay because now she knows me better. This is the generation I want to connect with.

My life is interesting enough for me. I have become involved in the community through volunteering and joining a club. I am meeting interesting people and getting to do things usually out of the realm of a regular member of the public. I get to go out for dinner 3-4 times a month and with some events coming up that is even a bit more as the planning comes to a head. I love doing the behind the scenes work that brings an event off, while I have no wish to be the face of an event.

Family dissent

5 Sep

I find myself in a dilemma. Some 10 years ago my brother left his wife for another woman. His three daughters sided with their mother and cut contact with all of us. This did not bother me particularly as I do not like any of them. It did however, greatly hurt my parents to lose contact with their granddaughters. For this I hold a grudge.

Since that time the only contact my brother has had with them is when they wanted money. At the time two of them were at a tertiary college and the other about to enter, so it is not like they were immature and unable to understand.

Now, one of them has contacted her father. My first thought and the truth is that yes, she wants money. She wants to buy her own business. My brother says if it had been for lifestyle or a home he would have felt differently but for her career he wants to support her. I guess he paid to get her qualified so fair enough. Also, he is able to decide how he relates to his children, nothing to do with me. It seems she also said enough time had passed for the hurt to be dealt with and she would like to resume a relationship.

Here is my issue. I am not going to be able to forgive her for how she hurt my parents. My parents are just going to be pleased to have her back and will not want me to hold a grudge. I can accept that point of view but until I see behaviour that shows some love and care toward my parents I will hold back my forgiveness. She cannot expect to return as the prodigal son, so to speak, although that story has merit, which only adds to my issue. Forgive and forget is great and if it was about how I was treated that would be fine but it was about how two people who had only ever loved them, were greatly disturbed by their own sons behaviour as they have strong moral and Christian beliefs and had no responsibility in the situation.

Not that there was ever participation before. As children they were always withdrawn at family gatherings and would always leave early. They did not seem to know how to have fun and for that I blame their mother who was the same.

I appreciate that I have a different view to everyone else because I am not a parent, so I do not have that connection with anyone. Everyone else will be more forgiving but until I have seen some positive acts toward my parents she will know that I have not accepted her back. I am prepared to tell her this too.