Sisters

8 Jun

Last week I was remembering an incident where I found myself caught in the  middle of a disagreement between my mother and her sister. It was during a conversation about sisters where I stated that I have no understanding of how sisters relate or the dynamics of that relationship.

You guessed it, I was the only daughter. I have three brothers so they have the brother thing going on which is different again from the brother/sister thing.

What bothers me about all of this is that I feel like I missed out on something. I know that I am not the only person who has this relationship but that makes no difference to how I feel.

While my parents did there best and believe they did what is right, I was treated differently to my brothers. They were allowed to be boys, join in the fun, go on camps etc. I was not allowed to go on camps, go to after game events, even choose my own friends.

Of all my cousins, only one other has no sister but her brother also has no brother. We saw little of these growing up. The ones I spent time with were sisters, I always felt like an outsider and that really hasn’t changed.  The person I feel closest to these days is my sister in law. You guessed, she too has a sister.

Where has this left me? I was left with no one to talk to. My parents were not of the touchy feely kind, so I am very protective of my personal space.

So, what am I trying to say is that my environment has made me what I am. I am unable to love someone else more than myself. I struggle to think of others first. My first impulse is to please me, do what I want. I don’t like that about me. I am trying to change that by joining a service club and volunteering.

It is not that I am unaware of being better off than so many others, it is not that I don’t know others need help, it is that I am not fitted to do what is required. I have poor social and communication skills so interacting with them would not help them.

This is something I have to live with and I just wish I had a best friend to express this to as she would tell me what assets I do have that I might contribute.

 

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