1 Jun

There is a family birthday party this week. These things are usually good fun and require very little thought. Not this time, there is a Christening the same day. The only issue I have with it is this: the Christening is as lunch time at the church they married in. This church is 40 minutes drive for me (into the country) and then the party is at 6pm, another 30 minutes drive further on. What am I supposed to do in the mean time? And after, I will have an hour to drive home. I won’t be the only one.

While I can understand that they thought it was clever to arrange it like this for themselves, it is very inconvenient. I come from a family of dairy farmers and there are cows to milk in the evening (not me). I have thought about sharing the trip only I find myself wanting to be able to escape so want to take myself. This then has me thinking about skipping the Christening. I am only a great auntie and will not have a role or be in any photos, so why go at some inconvenience to myself?

The party is at their home and it is going to be cold, cold, cold. I don’t like being in the cold for any length of time and so would be keen to leave early for this reason as well as remembering wanting to leave the last of these but not having my own transport.

The in between has one solution which is acceptable. There is family near the church who are willing to provide coffee and shelter prior to going on. I am happy to do this.

My issue is that I am ambivalent about going. I expect that I will not enjoy myself as it will be sitting around doing nothing much. I am not a great conversationalist, especially among these people with whom I share little common ground. I am on a health kick as you know, so there will be little food to console me and I cannot drink as I will be driving.

It is family so I should want to go but I feel the urge to run again. My regular readers will know that I am a runner. My mindset is at get me away from where I am uncomfortable and feeling unwanted.

I recently, unbeknownst to me, missed a cousins party. She apologised to me last week for sending the invitation to the wrong address. My reaction was thank goodness as I would not have wanted to go anyway. My parents brothers get invited to all these things and go regardless, just to complain about it after, I would rather not go.

This is why I stayed away so long and also why I should have either stayed or returned much sooner. But I am programmed to run and deprogramming is hard. So, I will give it a try.


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