Family dynamics

18 May

It is interesting how relationships within family change over time. I have lived away from my family for 20+ years, only coming back for special occasions. It seemed to work, I got what I wanted ,which was little expectation and a life away from their prying eyes. I long feared anyone getting to know me too well as my expectation is that they won’t like that person. I have never made friends easily and always suspected the motives of any who wanted to be my friend. Yeah, go see a shrink. Tried it and other self help stuff too.

Now I have returned home so to speak. I have my own place but am accessible to the family. What I have found is that no-one really cares. That is not strictly true but it often feels that way. I have only myself to blame of course.

They have had their family patterns evolve and I have not been a part of it which now leaves me feeling excluded. I keep telling myself to give it time, after all they never adjusted to my shift work demands so this is not going to happen over night. It is just that I am a little bit impatient.

The most interesting part being that one of them is antagonistic. I can’t talk to him anymore. Everything I say is wrong, everything he says offends me. The banter we shared as children doesn’t seem to apply anymore.

So, I am trying to carve out my own pattern, getting involved in community, being occupied, while still able to participate in family activities and help when help is needed. I need their help too and am trying to ask for it, something else I have to learn after always claiming I can do it alone.

My hope is that over the next few years I will find my slot in the family pattern and all will be peace and harmony. My parents deserve that in their twilight.


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