Archive | May, 2012

Ennui

31 May

Isn’t is interesting how we claim to be experiencing ennui when we just don’t feel like doing anything. It is not lazy or bored any more.

I am feeling a bit bored actually. This is one reason I started writing, it is a distraction and it also allows me to express my opinion on matters that would normally be dinner table conversation.

Sometimes I am invited to share a meal and then I get to partake in conversation but usually I am alone with the TV, watching the news and talking to it. It is not rewarding and often frustrating.

Since I started writing I have found that I am a calmer, happier person because all that frustration is being let out. Being able to express my opinion to whomever is reading it has been liberating.

So, no more ennui and more structure to my day. I have established quite a routine and all it needs added to it are 12-15 hours of work, you know, three days per week, 4-5 hours a day. I have started a volunteer job that is 3 hours per week, if I could get paid for something like that it would be great.

Anyway, there is now more in my week so less time for boredom. Now, what is for dinner?

Advertisements

Politics

30 May

We are all affected by politics but not everyone is interested. It is not necessary to be interested to know the one important fact. Politicians need to be changed OFTEN. In some countries this is compulsory as there is a time limit for being in the position. This is not the case in Australia. If the people are stupid enough to keep voting for one party then we all end up paying the price.

Once a party is in power, they have little interest in doing what they said they would and will give token gestures in the lead up to another election in hope of getting back in power.

It is vital for ALL Australians to understand that if they vote for the sitting government they are going to get more of the same. If you want something different you have to vote for someone different.

Sometimes this is not easy as the other main party fails to stand a candidate in some seats thus removing the choice for those people. I have been in this position and it is quite frustrating.

Why I raise this now is that it has been obvious for some time that our current government is making a mess of this country. We are going into recession, regardless of what everyone is saying. Many large companies are going bust and it seems every day hundreds are losing jobs.

Despite this a poll has come out which says the government is more popular this week!! What I wonder is, who did they ask.

Anyway, it is time for everyone to think about their position and get ready to vote for what you want, the same OR something different!

Death

29 May

I am of an age now that I am very aware of death. My parents are attending funerals as a regular social outing now. Some of these funerals are for parents of the people I grew up with. This is often the only time I see these people as we are not friends but acquaintances.

I went to one of these funerals last week, they are reunions of the only kind we get to have with these people we grew up with. It is good to see these people, how they have changed or not and share memories of childhood. It was a simple cheerful service too.

When I see the people who come from my childhood I am always reminded of those times and the fun we used to have.

I have thought about my own death, how it is to be paid for, where my ashes will go, will anyone come if there is a ceremony? This obviously depends on who of my parents and siblings survive me. As a single and currently without real friends I don’t expect many to attend although many more could out of respect for my parents who are held in high esteem in the community. I need to have it organised before I go so that no-one has to worry about it.

It is a reminder to have the will organised too, must get to that soon. Meanwhile I am enjoying being on earth.

Birthday

28 May

It was my birthday this week. I had some new experiences to deal with. I was  told I get to choose the food for my birthday dinner. I always get to eat what I want anyway so have asked for stuff I think I might feel like having. I found it really difficult because I don’t enjoy food the way I used to.

This year the doctor told me to get my blood pressure down or he would prescribe medication. So, I lost 5kg and got my BP back to normal. Then it was a high cholesterol and I have rejigged my diet again. Now I don’t get the same  enjoyment out of my so called “favourite” foods. I have concluded it is because I have controlled my insulin secretion and thus have reduced desire for sweet food.

I would like to share this secret with everyone who has a sweet tooth. There is no need to spend a fortune on diet aids, just eat fresh and half as much.

On my birthday ate foods that I don’t usually eat because that is what we do for birthdays and Christmas. I did have a glass or two of champagne. It is one thing I do still enjoy.

Then there are the after effects. All that rich food gave me strange dreams. And now I have to get back on to my usual diet to control my weight and cholesterol. There are way to many parties on at the moment but it is easy to control what you eat at buffets or BBQ’s.

So, it is okay to indulge for that special occasion as long as you get straight back on the wagon. I feel good about food these days.

Cost of living

25 May

Should electricity be an essential service. With the high costs of just having it connected should the first 5kW or so be free so that everyone can be warm in winter? Many go without heat or lights because it is unaffordable. Is this right? Water is going the same way. How will our hospitals cope when people are being admitted for dehydration related conditions just because they cannot afford water?

The world is going mad for money. Everything else is being sacrificed on the alter of cash. What about community? What about generosity of spirit? What about just doing something because it is the right thing to do?

I appreciate what it means to have enough to live on but now everyone is just greedy. Why do companies have to make multi million dollar profits? Why do banks slug the customer with excessive interest rates in order to pay their bosses multi million dollar salaries? Who needs to make multiple millions per year? What are you doing with it?

Australia now has the richest woman in the world. I doubt she understands  what it is like to go without. She was born into it, inherited the machine that makes it for her. What does she do with it? It certainly has not bought her happiness and from seeing her picture I doubt it has brought her good health. It is rumoured that she makes $1M per day. If she gave away one day of income each week, what a difference it would make to thousands while she would not even notice its lack.

What would the Salvos do with an extra $1M each week? They are the kind of people we should be aspiring to be. Those whose goal is to help others, who do not aspire to material wealth. After all, regardless of who you are, you cannot take it with you and while hoping to help family there is only so much that helps, the rest is just window dressing.

So how do we get back to basics? When I was a child, people played sport for the fun of it, not to make money. It was volunteers who ran these things. Many sporting clubs no longer survive because no-one is willing to give their time to help out. We are teaching our young materialism when it should be altruism. There is nothing wrong with formal education but what about life education. Caring is almost a swear word these days.

My motto is “Pay it Forward”. Appreciate that someone has done something nice for you, then go and do something nice for someone else. If nothing else I can give a smile for free and cheer someone up.

Weather

24 May

It has often come to my attention that the weather is a large part of our lives. It is a conversation starter and in some instances the main topic. I have lived in the cold of Scotland and the heat of Darwin but have spent most of my life in more temperate climes. Since returning home I am often asked how I am coping with the cold. When I think about it I realise I love it.

It gets hot here too but I am enjoying Autumn/Winter like never before. To be warm and cosy in bed then get up into the cold to dress. Those few minutes when my skin cools off feel great. Of course it is also great knowing that it is only a few minutes. I am going to be warm again as soon as I get the heater going.

This leads me to thinking about those who do not have the heater for whatever reason. With the rising cost of living today many cannot afford heat or even electricity. Then there are the homeless, those who for many reasons are living on the streets. Winter is very tough when you have no access to heat but when you think about it, access to instant heat is a very recent convenience.

When I am cooling off in the morning I sometimes think about this and how even as a child getting access to heat meant getting to the kitchen fire. Our house was heated with fire much like 200 years ago. I do appreciate all the “luxuries” we have now, many of which are to counter the effects of the weather.

Until I was living solo, having the heat I wanted was a battle. Not having control of the household finances meant limiting spending on heat supply. Once I was in full control I vowed I would never again be cold in my home. I would pay for heat and go without other things if necessary.

So, I appreciate the weather and am grateful to be able to control it in my home. I feel greatly for those who cannot do so for whatever reason and continue to wonder at any authority that prevents it.

Now, I just want some more rain.

Self worth

23 May

It is unsettling to realise you are not the most important person in the room. Living alone makes you believe you are but once in a crowd, you’re not. Self awareness is making me humble, maybe even likable, I don’t know when I started thinking I should be the centre of attention but I am beginning to accept that it is not so. Wanting to be the person that knows and insisting on being right is off putting to others and a burden to self. It becomes so that you cannot admit to being wrong. I am, after more than 50 years, ready to accept that I don’t have to know all the answers and am allowed to be wrong.

This started at school. I did well at school, was always near the top of the class and at times the only one who knew the answer. It always came easily to me. I remember a day when the teacher was willing to dismiss us early if someone could spell chrysanthemum. Of the whole class I was the only one.It made me a hero for those few moments it took to empty the room but did not earn me respect with my class mates. I was just the smart arse, expected to help them out but not to be their friend.

I was never popular and often teased because I was naive and didn’t understand half of what the street wise kids talked about. My parents sheltered me and we lived on a farm so I had no contact outside structured activity with anyone my age. This impeded my social development and even after more than 30 years of nursing, there are still areas in which I am naive.

This might be why I have difficulty with relationships. I do not trust easily and have been betrayed enough by those who claimed to love me to have built a very high wall around myself. I am a loner and safe because I know what I expect of myself and only I can let me down.

Now I am trying to build bridges with my family but still have moments when I want to run again. What stops me is that now there is nowhere to run. I have not fully accepted it yet though. When I think about telling them of my blog, I can’t. That would mean them reading this and knowing more about me.

Do I blame my parents for this? No, they did their best for me and it has been up to me since I left school to take the responsibility. I don’t believe anyone can blame their childhood for what they do as adults. You are responsible for your own life so own that.